Friday, 11 December 2009

Excitement on the university shuttle bus


This has been an eventful week, and it was rounded off tonight on the shuttle bus.

The bus had just turned into Lichfield Street, when a man in a luminous yellow jacket and Santa hat hurled himself in front of the bus waving frantically. We just thought it was one of the locals who congregate by the church to indulge in cans of Strongbow and other substances, before forcing copies of the Big Issue onto unsuspecting students. The driver carried on, ignoring him, only to grind to a halt a few yards later at the metal barrier erected over the zebra crossing by the bank in Queen’s Square. Another character in a yellow jacket and Santa hat knocked on the bus window
‘It’ll be about fifteen minutes mate’
That was helpful – What will be fifteen minutes??
We soon found out.
A cloud of billowing smoke appeared near Beatties accompanied by the drone of bagpipes. There was a thunderous snort and the ground began to vibrate as an object resembling the Loch Ness monster trundled up the hill.
This was most bizarre
As it came closer we could see that it was a mechanical contraption, decked out in purple fairy lights. An ambulance followed three feet behind.
A lone piper stood by the bank droning a lament as the monster drew closer.
The chill wind lapped round the piper’s kilt and sporran - the Christmas lights highlighting his varicose veins.
One of the lecturers on the bus announced ‘It’s the ghost of Fred Dinbnah’. The monster turned out to be a steam engine. We were totally bemused. I got off the bus to find out what was going on.
It was Santa, arriving in Queen’s Square, but from a different direction – complete with men in red on stilts and strange characters in blue Lurex and grey wigs. The steam engine seemed incidental and the ambulance a precaution in case anyone was overcome by too much excitement.
I did not get to see Santa - he was swamped by hundreds of screaming kids.
The festive spectacle was rounded off by an excellent display of fireworks from Beatties’ roof.

2 comments:

Laura said...

This is hilarious, only in Wolverhampton!

Fou said...

Haha Laura,
Very true indeed!

Must be the freakishly cold microcosm weather conditions luring Father Christmas in prematurely.