Thursday, 23 September 2010

John Milton’s musings

Did you enjoy Paradise Lost?
Wasn’t Milton an awesome poet?
Well, Jennifer Batt, a lecturer at Oxford University, came across this poem "by Milton" in a long-forgotten volume called the Oxford and Cambridge Miscellany Poems, published in 1708, 34 years after the poet's death.

Extempore upon a Faggot

"Have you not in a Chimney seen
A Faggot which is moist and green
How coyly it receives the Heat
And at both ends do's weep and sweat?
So fares it with a tender Maid
When first upon her Back she's laid
But like dry Wood th' experienced Dame
Cracks and rejoices in the Flame."

I’ll leave you to work out what this is about.

So, Milton was clearly a bit of a lad, under his zealous Puritan façade - That is if he did really write this poem.

I must admit though, 'Extempore upon a Faggot' seems more like the sort of thing that my favourite poet the Earl of Rochester would have created !

Monday, 20 September 2010

‘Lefties’ are more aggressive

According to psychologists at Merrimack College in Massachusetts people who are left-handed are moodier and more aggressive than right-handed folks, and they are said to be clumsier. Apparently their cerebral hemispheres are more interlinked or something, which the psychologists reckon is the reason for these traits. Or maybe left-handed people just get fed up coping with a world designed for right-handed people, but their brains are more evolved as a result. About 13% of the world’s population is left-handed.
Famous left-handers include John McEnroe, Bob Geldof (known for their strops) and Barack Obama,

David Cameron is a ‘leftie’ too.

Do you think these psychologists are right or are they spouting a load of nonsense?

Friday, 17 September 2010

Pervert of the week award

This goes to Yeovil voyeur, Joshua Drummond, aged 20.
This trainee quantity surveyor from Cavalier Way hid his mobile phone in the ceiling of the ladies loo where he worked and took films of his female colleagues. He used to wait till the ladies had gone then retrieve his phone and watch the show.
Luckily one of the women spotted the phone and it was traced back to Mr. Drummond.

Drummond got off lightly (excuse the pun), and was not sent to jail, but he will be on the sex offender’s register for five years.

I must say that the workings of the male mind never cease to amaze me.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Pope’s visit

Are you excited about the pope’s visit or does the whole thing leave you bored rigid? Many tickets remain unsold for the pope’s venues, and there could be lots of reasons for the lack of interest, ranging from the recession to increasing secularization.

This papal visit has certainly generated a lot of mixed feelings.

First there is the problem of the sexual abuse scandals which were hushed up by the church.

Then we have Cardinal Kasper who likened Britain to a third world country, full of aggressive atheists

Then an ice cream company got into trouble with the Advertising Standards Authority for displaying posters that featured a pregnant nun eating ice cream. The company was told to remove the posters because they were offensive to the Catholic Church. The company, however, is planning to display posters with a similar ‘theme’ in time for the pope’s visit to Westminster Abby tomorrow.

As the product if a mixed marriage I had the misfortune to attend a dreadful Catholic convent school which contained some very nasty nuns and sadistic teachers. Thankfully I did not have to stay there for too long, but the place was enough to put anybody off Catholicism.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

Happy Birthday to me

I won’t be celebrating with this - the world’s most expensive sandwich. It costs £110.59 (why the 59p??) and has cheddar cheese sprinkled with gold dust and white truffles.

Instead, I’ve been to Blackwell’s bookshop in Oxford and spent a lot of money on books for my next term at university – much more fun than a posh sandwich (?).
Blackwell’s is great - you can sit and read the books over a cappuccino.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Are you proud of your dancing?

According to Dr. Nick Neave an evolutionary psychologist at Northumbria University, women are more attracted to men who are ‘good’ dancers. In his study he showed women videos of men dancing. Dr. Neave found that the ‘good’ dancers were more likely to be healthier with better reproductive potential.

Humm… I don’t think women need some scientist telling them who is ‘fit’ and who isn’t, because attraction is very much in the eye of the beholder. Although women are less likely to go for men who are pissed out of their skulls dancing like deranged windmills and also the ones hopping up and down on the spot flapping their hands like constipated hens.

No, what women could do with is a scientific study that helps them to sift out the psychopaths and serial adulterers from the nice guys.

So get working on that one Dr. Neave!

Friday, 3 September 2010


Yes my pal Tony is back in the public eye again with his magnum opus of ‘memoirs’. It comes as no surprise that he admits that he had a difficult relationship with Gordon Brown.
Tony and Gordon always appeared to be an uneasy couple in public. The tension between them showed in their strained smiles and gritted teeth. Looking back, it seems pretty obvious that they did not really like each other.
They both appear to have colossal egos and I doubt that either of them would have been willing to back down in a scrap. The image of a couple of old dogs fighting over the same bone springs to mind.

Do you think that they should have maintained a gentleman’s agreement not to slag each other off in public?

Is it best to reveal all??

Or does anybody really give a damn???